Saturday, May 2, 2009

An Uncomfortable Situation

You've been running for 2 hours in the pouring rain. Your muscles are screaming at you to stop. You are suddenly hit with fierce abdominal pains which could mean only one thing -- the Runner's Runs (a fancy name for diahrrea). What would you do?

A. Peel off your soaking wet skin tight pants in the middle of the road to relieve yourself.

B. Try to hold it, knowing full well, you can't make it home without going to the restroom.

C. Go potty in your pants and feel squishy and nasty the rest of the way home.

D. Run onto the golf course and squat behind a large pine tree and use your sopping wet gloves to wipe yourself.

I'm never going to admit that this happened to me, or tell you which of the above options I would choose in a similar situation, but . . . if this ever DID happen to someone like me, on a day like today, I bet I would've chosen option D. I pity the poor golfer that accidentally hits a ball off the fairway and into the pine trees though. What a surprise he will get!


Lohra said...

Oh Vanessa...I can't wait to see what Mary Todd has to say about this.

bryan said...

I hope that tree in the picture isn't the victim of a situation like doesn't look it would provide much cover at all.

Tina said...

probably my very first question is....who is the heck runs 2 hours.

BushlingX7 said...

I would choose #D also because #C would eventually leak down your leg and #B would just cause more abdominal pain and #A would just be wrong. You made a great choice, if you were ever in that situation :-).

Me and My Hawkes BOYZ said...

All I have to ask is... what did you do with gloves?

Our Family said...

Oh - so funny and brave!!

Vanessa said...

Mary seems to have disappeared. I need her advice! Hope she comes back!
The real tree in question was a tad bushier!
Only the mentally insane run for 2 hours!!
I'm so glad you agree on the choice I would've made if I would've been in that situation!
Unfortunately, the gloves were left under the pine tree. Oh, that poor golfer that stumbles upon them!
Pray this never, ever happens to me (again)!!

Stina said...

You poor thing!! You deserve a lifetime supply of Imodium, or maybe Citrucel. Or, maybe you should run a loop past port-a-potties and gas stations.

Mary Todd said...

Dear Vanessa,

Since returning from the jungles of South America several years ago, Livingstone has been a runner (not the jogging kind). Montezuma has certainly had his revenge on our family over and over again.

We tried the cheese therapy over a several month period (swiss, colby, muenster and cheddar) but the only result was a malodorous and offensive emission that drove myself and the children out of the home. Final solution? Generic Pampers. Would you happen to know of any employers looking for an educated bird watcher who can run and run and run?

You may be wondering how our AG department handled the swine flu? After hearing about the possible swine flu pandemic I immediately took several blankets from our emergency storage down to the pig barn, wrapped up the little critters and they were just fine.

Vanessa, happy running and remember the famous words of that great baseball player, Satchel Paige, "Don't look back. Something might be gaining on you."


Vanessa said...

Dearest Mary,
You don't even know how happy I was to hear of your return to the States. Your advice was dearly missed.
I must say I am not sure I can wear Pampers while running. The chafing would be horrendous. How have you dealt with that issue?
I am so glad to hear that you have dealt so effectively with the swine flu. We thought our family was recently affected, but then realized they were faking to get out of attending church services.
On a final note: I'm not sure if Satchel Paige's "famous" words quite pertain to my situation? I agree with him that I shouldn't look back, but more because I don't want to see what I left behind. The run ner s I struggle with staying ahead of, don't have legs!

The Heaton's said...

You make me laugh! It never fails! There is always something that will make me smile on your blog!

Hanna M. said...


Great job with your blog. Keep up the great stories.


Reuben said...

If you don't want to use a glove, you can take off a shoe and use a sock.

Stina said...

I went running in the Riverbottoms and looked for your hypothetical pine tree. I think I found it. I stayed away!