Thursday, February 25, 2010

Why Febreeze?

I went to the dermatologist today for a little upkeep (that's a nice way of saying I went to talk about my zits). The nurse asked me some questions that I felt a little silly answering:

"So, what are you here for?"

"My zits."

"How long have you had them?"

"Ten years, twelve years, a long time . . ."

"So, what have you done to get rid of them?"

"Well, every generic version of ProActiv, every facewash, toothpaste . . ." I thought I should stop there.

"OK. Well, the doctor will be in shortly."

Of course, "shortly" in doctor's terms is an eternity to me. I looked around the room as I waited: cottonballs, Q-tips, soap, Febreeze . . . Wait a second. Why does a dermatologist need Febreeze? Where would the bad smells come from? As I thought about Febreeze, the door opened and in walked Dr. Jokester.

"Hello. How are you?" I asked.

"Mmmm. I guess I'm okay," he replied chuckling.


"So, what can I do for you?"

"Well, I've got large zits that hurt."

"Oh, yes!" he said as he peeked at my face. "Those are from hormones."

"Well, is there anything we can do about it?"

"Well, I don't know," he said. He chuckled as he saw my face fall. "Of course there is!" He gave me some samples of meds while I told him about my other concerns.

"I've had this thing on my nose for years. I don't know if it's a mole or if I should be concerned about it being cancerous. Can you see it?" I asked as I pointed to it.

"Can I see it?! Wow! I could see that thing from all the way across the room!" he exclaimed. This guy was a joke a minute. "Hop up on my chair and I'll check it out."

Before I could yell, "Back off!" he had an instrument in his hand and was frying a piece of my nose off. "How was that?" he asked.

I smelled burning flesh. I was in shock. Did this guy really just ambush me with a small flame thrower? My nose burned. "Well, it wasn't as bad as childbirth," I said. I looked in the mirror. "Is this moldy looking scab going to be on my nose for long?"

"Oh, no, just a few days. I think it was just an oil pocket."

All I had wanted to find out was whether I had skin cancer on my nose. I didn't mind how the "oil pocket" looked, I just wanted to make sure it wasn't dangerous.

"Is there anything else?" he asked.

I thought about the 2 other moles on my face that I was going to talk to him about, but decided to keep quiet. I didn't want him to bring out his flame thrower again. "Uh, no. I'm good. Thanks?"

"I'll see you back in 6 weeks to see how your nose is healing up."

Yeah, right. If my "oil pocket" grows back, there is no way I am going back in there.

Moral of the story: If you ever see Febreeze in a doctor's office and wonder why it's there, please run. There will probably be some sort of burning flesh smell associated with your visit.

Teriyaki Chicken Heaven

Last night I ate the best sandwich I have EVER sunk my teeth into. It was Heaven!

package of Earthgrains whole wheat thin buns (they don't sound tasty but they are yummy!)
chicken breasts
Lawry's teriyaki with pineapple juice marinade
can of coke
fresh pineapple
green leaf lettuce
Bull's-Eye barbecue sauce (brown sugar&hickory)

Marinate chicken breasts in Lawry's marinade and coke for 30 minutes. Slice pineapple into thick circles. Grill chicken and pineapple on low on your grill. While that is cooking, slice your tomato and tear up your lettuce.

Slice chicken into slices after it is done on the grill. Build your sandwich. Top with some Bull's-Eye BBQ sauce. Delicious!!

Science Fair rhymes with Mommy Nightmare

Ian's Solar Panel Angle science fair project won at the classroom level, so he got to go on to District (at least I think that's what it was called). He went to the junior high and set up his project at 3:30, was interviewed from 4:30-6, public viewings from 6-7 and finally, awards were given out from 7-8. Long day.

Ian had big dreams: "Oh, I hope I go on to State, Regionals, Country, and then . . . who knows, Mars?" As a mother, you want to stay positive, but also want your child to realize that there are a lot of beautiful projects, and only so many trophies.

Needless to say, Ian's face grew more and more grim as one by one the trophies were handed out to other recipients. After it was over, the lady at the microphone said, "Now those of you that didn't win, don't be discouraged. There's always next year."

Ian replied, "That was a huge waste of time."

I said, "Well, at least you win the most handsome scientist award." I didn't even get a grin in reply.

Sunday, February 14, 2010

A Night to Remember

Aaron and I went to a Valentine's Dinner/Dance last night at Thanksgiving Point. I was very impressed that he planned a night that included wearing a tie (his least favorite piece of clothing) and slow dancing (not on his top 10 list either). It was kind of him to endure both for his loving wife.

When Aaron told me about our Valentine's date, I hopped on the Internet to check out the details of the night. This is what the writeup said:

Arrange a very special evening with The Joe Muscolino Band and enjoy an exceptional dinner, featuring sparkling cranberry juice, pull-apart mini bread loaf, mixed greens salad, Bartlett pear, pomegranate and blue cheese mixed greens salad, marinated chicken breast with dried cherry-orange marmalade, yukon gold mashed potatoes, buttered baby carrots, and a dark chocolate cake with strawberry truffle filling.

Sounded fabulous!

When we arrived, we were not disappointed. The bread, salad, and drinks adorned the tables, and the Joe Muscolino Band was set up and ready to go. As we were seated, we noticed some coupons by our place setting. One said, "Coupon good for one trip to the photo booth," while the other read, "Coupon good for one trip to the candy table." Wow! Freebies. I was so excited that we'd have a commemorative picture of the evening.

As we stood in the LONG line for the photo-op, I pictured the romantic backdrop that Aaron and I would soon have our picture taken in front of. Suddenly, I saw a couple returning to their seats with what looked like a strip of photos from an actual photo booth like you'd find at a mall. The coupon that read, "Good for one trip to the photo booth" actually meant what it said! There was no photographer, but there was a man running the booth. When we finally reached the black velvet drape that enclosed the booth I said, "Hey, do you ever catch anyone doing anything nasty inside the booth?" I guess my line had already been used a couple of times that evening, because he did not look amused. Aaron and I did a terrible job inside the booth. Though we were the shortest people there that evening, we somehow got our heads chopped off in the first photo, did a really awkward looking kiss in the third, and look severely handicapped in the fourth.

The candy table was more of a success. They had lots of conversation hearts, gummy hearts, chocolate pretzels and chocolate covered cinnamon bears. Since chocolate covered cinnamon bears are my absolute favorite, I just loaded my entire bag up with those, much to the chagrin of the woman in charge.

Back to the meal . . . The only questionable part of dinner was the main dish. The writeup had said we were having a chicken breast, so you can imagine the horror I felt when I returned to the table and found something other than a breast on my plate. It was like no piece of chicken I had ever seen. Each person's plate had a large piece of chicken "breast" with a big leg sticking straight up out of the right side. Was it a genetically enhanced chicken, produced just for this special meal? Did the chef somehow tie a chicken leg to each breast just to gross me out? My family would've been proud of me as I did manage to cut around the strange looking appendage and enjoy the meat.

On to the dancing . . . I had a fabulous time watching people on the dance floor. It seems that taking a social dance class was a prerequisite for attendance that evening. There were couples out there that should've been on "Dancing with the Stars." They were good! I saw people doing the jive, the swing, the salsa . . . It was crazy. The other thing I noticed was that many of the couples in attendance were over the age of 65, and they were shaking it. There were a few things I wish I wouldn't have seen. One older gentleman was groping his date's deriare the entire evening, there was a woman wearing a torpedo bra (like you'd see on "Mad Men")with a white T-shirt that didn't leave much to the imagination, and there was also a woman dressed up as the Bride of Dracula. Very entertaining!

It was definitely a night to remember!

Friday, February 12, 2010

No More Whites?! (sob . . . sob . . . sob . . .)

Whole Wheat=Severe Bloating

I watched Oprah last week about "The Silent Killer -- Diabetes". Dr. Oz and Bob Green talked about preventing diabetes and becoming "healthified" by cutting out the whites -- white rice, white flour, white potatoes, white sugar . . . pretty much anything and everything that I love!

I was shocked that Aaron decided to join me on the couch for a little "Oprah" time. After the show, Aaron looked at me and said, "We are doing this! No more whites!" We came up with a plan for how to get the kids involved and excited about our new, NO WHITES eating plan. Our solution: BRIBERY!!

We sat down and told the kids about our new eating plan the next day. These were the rules:

1) No sugar during the week. Saturday is our FREE day when they can have treats.
2) No more white bread, white rice, or white sugar during the week.
3) Kids get to help plan healthy, nutritous meals -- and help cook them.
4) A monetary monthly settlement for whoever completes the goal. (The kids all need $ for sports, summer trips, clothes so it is a Win/Win situation.)

There was a wide variety of reactions from the kids:

Cali: "I've always wanted to do this. Our family just eats junky, so I've never been able to do it on my own." (Wow! Says a little bit about my cooking, huh?!)

Ian: "Sounds fun! But do I really have to eat wheat bread?"

Nyah: "Sure. But when do I get the money?!"

Carson: "Oh, I'm going to miss my candy. Can I eat it all on Saturday?"

We started the "diet" on Monday and these are the results so far:

1) The kids are packing healthy lunches instead of eating school lunch.
2) Everyone is eating more fruits/veggies/whole grains without complaint.
3) I never realized how many cookies, cakes, and sweets we were eating each week. Our freezer is literally stuffed with goodies that we have to wait until Saturday to eat.
4) The kids are excited about cooking! Who knew?!
5) Everyone is extremely regular. (You know what I mean?!)
6) I am extremely bloated.
7) Our food bill doubled.
8) The snacking in our house has been cut in half.
9) One of the kids brought a b-day donut home from school with tears in her eyes and said, "Do I have to stick this in the freezer?"
10) Other parents/teachers probably think we are abusing our children by sticking skinny kids on a "diet."

We'll see if the success continues. After all, Valentine's celebrations are today, tomorrow and Sunday!

I'm going to post the recipes we've been eating on my "Tasty Niblets" blog in case any of you are interested in how we torture our children at dinnertime.

Happy Eating!