Wednesday, March 30, 2011

I had a dream . . .

I had a really exciting dream last night. I was sitting at the kitchen table with a plateful of ham sandwiches. The ham was piled high on top of buns made from good old-fashioned unbleached white flour, full of gluten. In my dream I ate the entire plate, "oohing" and "aahing" the entire time.

Then I woke up.

I walked upstairs.

I put a slice of ham inside a corn tortilla. I closed my eyes and took a bite, trying to pretend I was back in dreamland. It didn't work. The tortilla was dry. The ham made me thirsty. All in all, very unsatisfying.

I went back to bed and hoped for another dream filled with meals made of gluten.

The life of a Silly Yak.

Monday, March 21, 2011

He Likes It?!

Remember the Life Cereal commercial where the 2 brothers are looking at the "suspicious looking new cereal" and then get their kid brother, Mikey, to try it first? When he eats it, he loves it and the 2 older brothers exclaim, "He likes it!" Well, we had an experience the other day that had about . . . two, one . . . well, basically NO similarities to the Life Cereal experience.

Some background information: my mom loves to save money on food. She will eat ANY leftover, as long as it doesn't have mold growing on it. In the case of split pea soup, it might even go down the hatch WITH mold on it!!

So, when Mom came over to our house with a tub of suspicious looking meat and said, "Will you and Aaron try this and let me know what you think?!" I was slightly concerned. I felt that I needed some information before ingesting the substance so I asked a few questions:

"Where did the meat come from, Mom?"
-a neighbor

"Why didn't you try it?"
-I did. I took a little nibble.

"Why do you want Aaron and I to try it then?"
-I thought it would be great for tacos on Sunday for dinner.

"When was it cooked?"
-I think on Thursday. (It was now Saturday).

"Who is the neighbor that cooked it?" I needed a name.
-Well . . . she didn't cook it. The lunch ladies at school cooked it.

"What?! What school do they work at?"
-(I'm not going to divulge this answer in case of a lawsuit. Suffice it to say, it is not the school my kids attend).

"Why are they getting rid of the meat?"
-They had a lot of leftovers. (It's no wonder!)

"What's in this meat?"
-My best guess is some sort of ground beef mixed with some other ingredients . . .maybe beans.

Well, when I opened the container, I almost passed out from the repellant odor. It was putrid. I decided to play a little game with my family called . . . "What does this look like, what does this smell like?"

I warmed up a small bowl of the "meat" and began the game. Some neighbor kids showed up, so they decided to participate as well.

"Ok, kids. I want you to take a look at what's in the bowl here and then fill in the blanks to these statements:

It looks like _______________ and it smells like ________________. Ready. Set. Go."

Cali: "It looks like poop and playdough mixed together and it smells like a sewer."

Neighbor #1: "It smells like my mom's sloppy joe and it tastes like . . . (before I could stop him he lifted up the spoon and took a bite), it tastes like . . . dog poop!" He had to eat some rice krispy treats and rinse his mouth out with water to get rid of the taste!

Nyah: "It looks like poop and it smells like poop!"

Neighbor #2: "It looks like throw up and smells like tacos."

After all of these positive reviews, Aaron and I both decided NOT TO TRY THE MEAT! We did find someone that enjoyed it though!

Needless to say, WE did not have this for Sunday dinner!

Thursday, March 17, 2011

Larry Wouldn't Forget!

Last night while tucking Carson into bed, he looked at me and said, "Mom. Tomorrow is St. Patrick's Day! Do you think Larry will remember to come?" Larry is a magical leprechaun that brings the kids treats on St. Paddy's Day morning.

My face must've looked shocked at the reminder of the forgotten holiday, because Nyah tried to save me, looked at Carson and said, "Carson, we are too old for Larry. Larry's not coming!"

Well, thank goodness Carson pays attention to the calendar, or Nyah would've been right and Larry would not have remembered to come. The magic of St. Paddy's day would've been lost forever. If the green dill pickle Pringles, green Sprite, and green candies hadn't arrived, the kids would've lost faith in good ol' Larry.

Next up . . . Eleanor the Evil Easter Bunny (can't wait to see what she brings!)

Wednesday, March 9, 2011

The Perfect Friend

The perfect friend would NEVER even THINK about asking for a bite of your Magleby's chocolate cake!

What is your idea of The Perfect Friend?

Well, I think I found her . . . Listen to this --

1. She is a FABULOUS listener.
2. She never tells me I'm wrong -- she lets me figure it out on my own.
3. She gives GREAT advice.
4. She asks me questions about my past and seems to enjoy hearing all the grimy details.
5. She tells me "I'm worth it!"
6. She always wants me to come to her place to hang out, so I never have to worry about cleaning my own house.
7. She keeps everything I share with her confidential. She would never even CONSIDER telling my secrets to someone else.
8. She has very comfortable furniture.
9. She has massage chairs that I get to use for free every time I go for a visit.
10. She thinks it is perfectly normal to look in the mirror and repeat, "I am funny. I am smart. I am thoughtful," 30x/day.

Sound too good to be true?
For only $30/visit, you can have a perfect friend too!
I should've gotten a therapist years ago. I didn't know what I was missing out on!

Wednesday, March 2, 2011

Great After-School Snack

If your name is Ian, and you love sausages, here is a great after-school snack idea for you.

Take 5 Banquet Brown and Serve Sausage links. Put them in the microwave for 60 seconds. Then smother them with salsa.

Enjoy! What could be tastier than this? (please note sarcasm.)

Tuesday, March 1, 2011

Ian's 7th Grade Physical

We decided to be "on the ball" and get Ian's 7th grade physical nice and early. He got three shots, talked to the doctor about his sore knees and nose, and got a THOROUGH examination.

I was educated today about the "turn your head and cough" exam. Dr. _______ said, "Mom, please close your eyes." I saw him slip on a rubber glove and quickly shut my eyes so as not to witness the much talked about "ball examination". I heard the doctor say, "Turn your head and cough." Ian gave a wimpy cough so he had to cough a 2nd time. Poor guy. Dr._______ then told us the truth about the dreaded exam. "Do you know why doctors really make boys turn their head before they cough?"

"Ummm. No," I replied. I thought it was something about getting the balls to hang to one side or something, but didn't say so.

"It's so the boys/men don't cough on the doctor! There is no other reason!" The doctor got a big chuckle out of his "doctor secret"!

What other secrets are doctors keeping from me? Maybe I really didn't have to push to get the babies out during labor. Perhaps they could've just pulled those 8-9 lb. monsters out.

Maybe doctors only swab my throat for the strep test as a joke to see how much I gag. Who knows what tidbits doctors have been keeping from me all these years!

Needless to say, I was educated today. Ian was a brave boy and said, "Was that all?" after his shots. Hopefully Jr. High will be as easy for Ian as his physical!

My First Day as a Silly Yak

My first day as a Silly Yak (otherwise known as celiac) went quite well). It was the first time my stomach hasn't hurt for a full 12 hours!

Breakfast: Hash (roast, potatoes, and onions cooked in butter)
Lunch: Los Hermanos (carne asada in corn tortillas, rice, and beans)
Dinner: chicken, potatoes, grapes, onions & mushrooms
Dessert: gluten-free blueberry bar

I must say, I loved my day full of eating gluten-free. I even bought myself a bucket of tortilla chips from Los Hermanos. The kids were super excited about my new-found disease!

**The picture above is of my sisters, Dad, and I on Christmas day after we found out what our Christmas present was from dear ol' Paps. It was a promissory note for a shopping spree for all the girls. We were all laughing hysterically because the boys, Josh and Caleb, had just opened their cards full of cold, hard cash. The girls notes were empty. For some reason, it struck us as hilarious. We couldn't get control of ourselves. Dad laughed the hardest of all! I think he was secretly hoping we wouldn't cash in on the shopping spree day! Unfortunately for him, we cashed in a few days later. Thanks, Dad! We love you!