Friday, January 13, 2012

Friday the 13th

Is Friday the 13th unlucky? Judge for yourself.

Friday 13, 2012. My 38th Birthday. I woke up at 3:30 a.m. to get ready to go for an early morning run. Yes. I am psychotic. Here's my excuse for the early morning wake up call though. I had to leave my house at 4:30 a.m. and I need an hour of prep before I run. Prep=sit on the toilet.

So, after my "prep" I stood in front of the mirror to put my contacts in. I squeezed the contact solution bottle over my hand. Empty. Thank goodness, I had bought a spare bottle a few days before at Walmart. I opened the package, noticing that there was a red cap on the bottle. Doesn't red usually equal danger?

I pored plenty of the new solution onto my contact and stuck it in my eye. Oh, the pain! My eye was on fire. I could hardly pry my eyelid open to remove my contact. I had just blinded myself on my birthday. I knew something bad was going to happen on Friday the 13th!

With my good spare eye, I checked out the packaging on the contact solution. Of course. Guess I should've checked out the warning label: NEVER PUT SOLUTION ON CONTACT AND THEN DIRECTLY PUT IN EYE. LET SOLUTION SIT ON CONTACTS FOR AT LEAST 6 HOURS!! IF SOLUTION DOES GO DIRECTLY IN EYE, QUICKLY RINSE EYE WITH MASS QUANTITIES OF WATER!

Seriously. Now I have a bum eye for my birthday.

I headed out for my run after frantically rinsing my eye out. Because I had spent so much time trying to fix my eye, I ran out of time to get back on the toilet, and thus . . . well, I had to use the restroom on the road. Nothing out of the ordinary.

When I got home, I hopped in the shower, put on my swimsuit, and headed off for a swim lesson. I am not a swimmer. But, I'd really like to become one. A really amazing trainer was at the pool to give me some swimming tips. Everything went fine until the final lap. I stood up. Fully vertical. And what do you know? Nipple hanging out of my suit. What?! You may wonder how this could happen to someone with no boobs. No boobs does not equal no nipples. And after nursing four children, let's just say, it is not a pretty sight. The horror. Poor trainer man. Poor me.

Happy Friday the 13th!


Dainon said...

I constantly have to call April for the password to override the content filter on my internet so I can read your blog...

Poor thing! Have a happier birthday. It's a little scary because the day is still young..

Here's a story to cheer you up. This happened at the pool a couple of years ago during Z's swimming lesson. Only it was his teacher. A panicky girl in Z's class tore teacher's top nearly off when she was teaching her how to float on her stomach. I'm pretty sure she'd never nursed any children... But after the smile I wore home I confessed what had happened when April pressed me for a reason. She was pretty upset! Should I have felt guilt? In any case, I can't take Z to swimming anymore. :(

culley said...

Oh Vanessa!! the day HAS to get better! Happy Birthday from Rhode Island :)

Kristin said...

Poor Ness! Good thing birthdays on Friday the thirteenth only come around every seven years. Happy Birthday!

Melissa said...

Vanessa! I am so sorry! At least you still have 1/2 the day left- it has to be better & not worse right? But just in case, maybe you should wear extra clothing at dinner tonight so your waiter won't get a peek at any birthday presents you may accidentally want to share. :)
Happy Birthday!!!

London said...

That sounds like a pretty rotten birthday - hope you got some good gifts to make up for it.