Monday, September 6, 2010

Dear Nessie . . . (the world's worst advice columnist)

Dear Nessie,
Now that school is back in session, I realize that I hate my life between the hours of 3-6 p.m. When my kids walk into the house after school, these are the kinds of comments I hear:

"I'm starving."
"I need help with my homework."
"Sally was mean to me at recess today."
"I had to move my paperclip today at school, but I wasn't doing anything wrong!"
"What are we having for dinner?"
"I'm trying to do my homework but Larry is bugging me."
"Can I watch a cartoon?"
"Can I play a computer game?"
"The doorbell just rang, Mom. I think it's Carly. I told her she could come over after school."
"I need $25 for choir."
"I need lunch money."
"My sack lunch was gross today. Can you go to the grocery store and buy some fruit snacks and chips?! That's what the other kids get in their lunches!"

I hear this stuff everyday! I usually start having an anxiety attack around 2:50 p.m., when I start to hear children's voices heading down the sidewalk. Not only do I have to help the kids with homework and snack time, but I also have to be a chauffeur and make dinner at the same time. What can I do to make this time of day less stressful?

Nuts After School

Dear Nuts After School,

It sounds like you need a vacation. Get a one-way ticket to the Bahamas and let the kids fend for themselves for a while.

Have fun!

**This blog does not support or necessarily agree with any of Nessie's advice. If any of you have some "good" advice or actual solutions for our readers' problems, please feel free to leave a comment.

Also, if you have a problem for Nessie to solve, please leave a comment and she'll get back to you with a witty response.


Dainon said...

Dear Nessie,

Last night during the Boise State - VT game, my wife commented, "Look! That Cheerleader has NO boobs!" I asked, "You WANT me to look?" She replied, "She doesn't have any!"

So during a commercial, a well endowed girl appeared. When I said, "Whoa ho ho! Look at those!" She punched my lights out! I'm confused. Please explain!

Black-eyed Football Fan

Melissa said...

I like the idea of the vacation. Sounds like Nessie gives great advice. :)

As for the comment above, sorry football fan, but the result of your reaction/comment was WELL deserved! After all, your wife didn't really want you to notice any other girl, she just wanted to hear you say, "Well, babe, it doesn't matter because you are the most attractive woman in the world!" I think you would have been a much happier man with some lovin' & a happy wife. Better luck next time! :)
-Advice from around the corner

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