Sunday, February 15, 2009

NewsFlash!!! Spanish Fork Woman Wins Lamest Wife Award!

Today is February 14, 2009, the day of love, here in Spanish Fork! Most lovers, young and old alike, are exchanging gifts of chocolate, flowers, and loving messages on this beautiful, snowy day. Unfortunately, one of our local residents, Vanessa Heber, was caught working out at the local Gold's Gym this morning, instead of making her husband breakfast in bed, or doing any of the niceties that wives usually perform on this special day.

When questioned about her morning activities and gift buying for this "lovely" holiday, Vanessa answered, "I set out Valentine's treats on the kitchen table last night for the kids, so they would find them this morning when they wake up. Unfortunately, after 15 years of marriage, I couldn't think of anything to buy my husband. I'm sure he didn't get me anything. Plus, he'll still be in bed when I get home from the gym!"

Unfortunately, things did not go as planned this Valentine's Day morning for the above mentioned, Vanessa Heber. On returning home from the gym, this "lame wife" walked into the kitchen to find 2 large boxes, one from Nordstroms, and one from Red Envelope. Sources say a "look of shock and horror passed over her face" when she realized her "sleepy husband" was in fact, not "still in bed" but up and about delivering Valentine's cheer. Heber's husband received narry a chocolate, flower, or card filled with sweet nothings in return, but instead, heard excuses like, "I thought we weren't exchanging gifts this year!"

Hopefully, this is a lesson to all for Valentines 2010: "NEVER show up empty-handed Valentine's morning. You never know if this is the year YOUR spouse will decide to be an overachiever."


Our Family said...

Uh oh! Maybe you can catch him off guard and give him something special on St. Patrick's Day instead?? Or President's Day?? We went out on a date and called it good. If Scott had something for me, I too would have been in the same situation.

Caleb said...

But didn't your pack of White tube socks you got him last year have any goodwill that carried over to 2009? I agree with "Our Family." Make Saint Paddy's Day '09 one to remember!

henryteachers said...

What a nice surprise! You deserve V! Of course you're not the lamest wife though!

Stina said...

Well, let me the first to congratulate you on your award. :) And maybe the Easter Bunny will make it up for you!

Vanessa said...

St. Patrick's Day is a great idea!! I would hate to also be voted "Lamest Leprechaun!"

I too thought the white tube socks would cover at least 3 romantic holidays, but, no dice!!!

Thanks for making me feel better! I did feel pretty lame in the moment though!

The Easter Bunny used to come to visit Aaron each year, but stopped recently! I think Santa, Cupid, Larry the Leprechaun, and the Easter Bunny need to combine forces and give me some inspiration. I've plum run out of ideas!!

The Heaton's said...

What a great surprise to come home to! I am sure you make up for this Valentine's with all the "other" wonderful things you do for Aaron and your family! I better not let Adam find out the Easter Bunny visited Aaron up until a few years ago! Adam has been ripped off for years!!

khubble said...

Oh Vanessa don't be so hard on yourself silly, just make it up to him in a big way!! I didn't get Josh his present until Valentines afternoon, Josh got mine at the same time too! I love reading your posts, i need to update mine.