Monday, June 18, 2012

Spanx Me!

If you are a woman, you know what Spanx are:  thigh trimming, tummy taming skin-tight underwear that suck everything in.  Let's just say, they help get rid of any bumps and lumps -- without plastic surgery.  The only problem is, Spanx sometimes make breathing difficult.  Imagine a corset from the Victorian period, but wrapped around your thighs, butt, and tummy.

Saturday night, there was a Spanx "incident" in the Provo area.  My dear Mum was attending a play somewhere near University Avenue.  She was on a date and dressed to the nines.  She had on a coral-colored floor length skirt that hugged her body in all the right places.  And yes . . . she wore Spanx underneath.

Mom had to use the potty after the lengthy play and then proceeded to walk through the playhouse and out onto University Avenue, passing at least 50 people along the way.

Suddenly, a young female college student ran up to her shouting,  "Excuse me.  Ma'am!"  Then in a hushed tone the college student whispered, "Your skirt is caught up in your waistband . . ."

"Oh, Sweetheart, thank you so very much!" my mom exclaimed as she hurriedly pulled her floor length skirt out of her Spanx.  "You are a lifesaver!"

Unfortunately, 1/2 of Provo had already seen Mom prancing about shaking her thing.

I checked YouTube to see if anyone has posted a video of mom's skirtless bottom . . . but so far, she seems to be safe.

I told Mom we should take a photo of her in just her Spanx from behind . . . with me slapping her on the rear.  We could send it into the company and get paid millions for giving them a new marketing slogan . . . "Spanx Me!"

2 comments:

Dainon said...

Maybe in your family costume "malfunctions" are hereditary? Things that make you go "hmmm?"

In all fairness, once late to a ward basketball game, I fished my jersy out of the dryer and dashed into the church with Wife's G-bottoms static clinging to my back... Is that the same?

culley said...

oh Vanessa! I laugh so hard I cry...and almost pee my pants!! I LOVE Spanx. I have 4 pairs. Yes, 4. I wear them daily. swear by them. If only they were made in white, that would be Heaven.