Geoffrey Mutai from KENYA earned himself the title of "Fastest Marathon Ever Run" in 2:03:02 in this year's Boston Marathon.
I did not earn this title, but there were some other choice words used to describe me:
1. Amazing Subway Rider - I was really good at getting on and off, and at making uncomfortable comments to those beside me.
2. Starbuck's Best Hot Chocolate Customer - I don't think anyone else orders hot chocolate from Starbucks! P.S. I was sad because Aaron stayed in bed and I had to travel around Boston with only my hot cocoa to keep me company!
3. 5 Hour Energy's Biggest Fan - I tried to chase down the 5 HR. Energy car for a free sample, but he wouldn't stop! I have no idea why!
4. Only Silly Yak to Sign the Boston White Board!
5. First and Only Adult to Ever Beg Balloon Girl for a Free Balloon. (She had to cut one off with her teeth!)
6. Only Person to Ever Get Excited about Fenway Park Serving Gluten-Free Snacks!
7. First Person to Leave Red Sox Game Because of the Cold!
8. First Person to Eat at Legal Seafood 2 Nights in a row because of their AWESOME Gluten-free Menu!
9. 1st Idiot to Order a Surprise B-Day Dessert for a Friend and then have the Dessert Put on the B-Day Boy's Tab! (how embarrassing was that! He had to pay for his own b-day cake. And it wasn't a cheap slice of cake either. I wanted to strangle the WAITER for that mistake!)
10. Formerly Known as one of Charlie's Angels, I was Redubbed "Charlie's Angel with Messed Up Bowels and Bum Legs."
11. First Marathon Runner to give Photographer a "Thumbs Up" for a Photo at Mile 22 and then Cry for the Last 4.2 Miles of the Race.
12. Earned my PS during the 2011 Boston Marathon. "Personal Slowest." Though my time didn't show it, it took a lot of strength for me to stand in line at 3 porta potties and to hold myself back from laying down in the medical tents to receive an IV. But most of all, I am proud of the fact that I didn't give anyone the middle finger for yelling out, "Oh, look. There's another angel. That poor thing lost Charlie and her other angels."
The bad news: This Angel didn't fly through the Boston Marathon.
The good news: This Angel was not arrested for Public Pooing during the Boston Marathon.
The bad news: This Angel finished the Boston Marathon after all of the other people from Utah County, including the 92 year-old man from Springville.
The good news: This angel did not finish the Boston Marathon dead last. Just almost.
The bad news: This marathon was not good for my self-esteem.
The good news: This marathon was good for everyone else's self-esteem.
The bad news: I am never going back to Boston to run in the marathon.
The good news: I am never going back to Boston to run in the marathon!!
Happy Running, Everyone!