Wednesday, March 10, 2010

Healthy Eating, Lies, The Missing Tooth, and Free Fried Chicken

Healthy Eating
We've been eating "healthy" now for over 3 weeks. We started out with NO whites, and have gradually reincorporated white pasta (because the brown pasta was too chewy), and white rice (because the brown rice was too crunchy)! The kids are still packing their lunches with "healthy" stuff and I am still only buying wheat bread, much to Ian's chagrin.

The Missing Tooth
Last week, Ian's homemade sack lunches started to noticeably shrink in size. One day he grabbed a piece of beef jerky, shoved it in a paper sack, and said, "I'm just not that hungry today." When Ian got home from school that day he was missing a tooth that hadn't even been wiggly that morning. Slightly suspicious.

The next day, a little neighbor girl said, "Ian was wearing a girls' apron in the lunchroom today. All the girls were smacking him on the bum and laughing at him. He loved it!"

Because I was quite an accomplished liar during my formative years, I put two and two together pretty quickly. Ian had somehow managed to become a lunchworker so he could get some REAL FOOD!! I remembered the strange lunches he'd packed all week: "Oh, I'm not hungry for lunch. I'll just take a piece of jerky!" or "I'll just take a jello. My stomach is feeling full." I couldn't wait to confront him about his deception.

Free Fried Chicken
When Ian walked in the door I looked at him with a smile on my face and said, "So, Ian. I heard you were wearing a girl's apron today at lunch."

"Yeah. It was funny. All the girls loved it."

"So, you were a lunchworker?"

"I VOLUNTEERED to be a substitute this week."

I decided to go in for the kill. "Did you enjoy your free school lunches?"

Ian started to smirk, finally realizing what was happening. "Uh, I had some mashed potatoes today."

"What about yesterday? You grabbed that stick of jerky because you KNEW you were going to be having school lunch, right?" I desperately wanted him to admit that he'd been sneaking around -- eating junk food behind my back. Remember: Aaron is paying good money to the kids for sticking to the healthy eating plan during the week. I kind of wanted to catch Ian so I could save some money!

"Well, I did eat 2 pieces of fried chicken yesterday. But, I got it out of the trash. It's what made my tooth fall out!"

My child is so desperate for REAL food that he is eating out of the trash cans at school. He also got money from THE TOOTH FAIRY for a tooth that he lost eating ILLEGAL FOOD out of the TRASHCAN.

When Ian saw the horrified expression on my face, he said, "Mom, it's okay. The fried chicken was just laying on some pieces of cardboard. It wasn't touching anything else." Well . . . in that case!!

Looks like the healthy eating plan isn't working as well as we'd hoped. In fact, I may be throwing all this wheat bread in the trash today!


Inspiration Station said...

Oh my gosh! That is hilarious. The things our kids will come up with. I was going to ask you how your healthy eating was going. Your homemade bread looks delicious.

Reuben said...

throwing the bread in the trash won't solve anything. Ian will just pull it out and eat it anyway.

Melissa said...

Thanks for the morning laugh. :) That's one of those cases where you kind of wish he was lying about taking the chicken from the garbage huh. :)

Memzy said...

Not to be a party pooper or anything but..............I'd totally be sneaking food out of the trash!

Ha! Jay kay! But srsly, white is pure, holy,............and DELICIOUS.

This post was heelarious.

homegirl said...

LOL!!! That is the funniest story I've heard in a long time! Look out cuz you've got a smart on your hands!

BushlingX7 said...

Ian, he makes me laugh! At lease he is learning to serve others, with a side of chicken! haha

Dainon said...

Wouldn't it just make your day if DFS had knocked on your door asking your explaination for a lunch lady observing Ian eating from the trash can?

How far back do we need to go to hit the "formative" years? You should make a post just for that!

Our Family said...

too funny!! :)

The Heaton's said...

Oh my goodness! That is the funniest story! There is never a dull moment when Ian is around!lol! I wished I could have been a fly on the wall at school:)!

Trisha said...

You are such a good writer Vanessa! Funny story.

Pat said...

Ian reminds me more and more of a little George Costanza ever day!

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Sherry said...

Very funny and how true! I am in a similar predicament with my 9 year old, Jude. I avoid buying or cooking processed chicken - nuggets and sausages at home. Guess what? he goes to school and gets his fix from his classmates (very pathetic) or simply buy it off the school canteen.