My Hubby's Nightmare on the Airplane

Do you ever get a teeny bit of enjoyment from hearing about other people's misfortunes? Admit it. Just a little bit of happiness knowing that other people have bad days too!

My husband went to Seattle, Washington, for some computer training last week. He was gone for an ENTIRE WEEK! No kids to run around, eating out at whatever restaurants he wanted to, no one to tuck in at night . . . I'd say it was pretty much a vacation from the family :)

When he walked in the door to our home after his "vacation" he looked exhausted. What?! How could he be tired?! "How was your trip?" I asked, knowing from the look on his face that the answer was not going to be positive.

"You will never believe what happened to me on the airplane," he grumbled.

Oh, boy. This was going to be good. After my week of running kids around 24/7, gobs of homework, lots of disciplining . . . it had to be a rough trip to equal up to my fabulous week!

He started his story. "OK. I sat down in my aisle seat on a really small airplane. There were 2 seats: the aisle and the window. I was exhausted because I hadn't slept the night before (he'd injured his shoulder lifting weights), so I hunkered down in my seat waiting for the plane to take off. Suddenly, I noticed a VERY LARGE man sidling up the aisle towards me. He could hardly fit through between the seats. I had a sinking feeling that he was heading towards the window seat next to me. Guess what? I was right. I stood up so he could SQUEEZE his way in beside me. He put up the armrest so he'd have more space and laid against me during the ENTIRE TRIP."

"Oh, I'm sorry," I said, not really feeling that bad for him.

"Oh, wait till you hear the rest of it. After this EXTREMELY LARGE man sat down next to me, another HUGE woman walks up the aisle towards me carrying 2 huge bags and balancing a large coffee in her hand. There was nowhere to put her luggage above her own seat, so she walked over to the carrier above my seat and tried to heft one of her carry ons above my head. Suddenly, she lost the grip on her coffee cup and dumped at least 6 oz. of coffee all over my head, neck and pants!"

I tried to look sorry for him. "Oh, sweetie. I'm so sorry you had coffee dumped on you. Were you scalded?"

"No. Fortunately it was luke warm."

Oh. Poor guy. I think my week was still worse than his plane trip!

"Guess what? That's not all!"

Oh, great. More sad stories. What else could've happened to him?

"I drifted off to sleep against the man beside me. I was in a deep sleep, mind you. Suddenly I felt some hands grab my sides. I jumped up and yelped!"

"Was it the large man loving you up?!" I asked.

"No. It was a kid sitting behind me. He reached through the cracks in the cushions and grabbed both my sides. He totally interrupted my nap!"

Poor guy. It did sound like a rough trip. I tried to look sympathetic as I said, "Well, I'm glad you are home safe. We missed you. I need to head out for a bit cuz I've been cooped up all week. See ya soon!"

I Now Have a 15 Year Old DAUGHTER!!

Time flies. Whether you are having fun or not. Ha! Ha! I just crack myself up sometimes.

Anywho . . .

My eldest child, who did not fall out of my womb, but instead stayed inside for 36 torturous hours before the doctor finally had to forcibly remove her with forceps . . .

turned 15 years old yesterday!!

Here's what I love about my oldest gal.
1) She does not pretend to be happy.
2) She has a gorgeous smile and a great laugh.
3) She is super conscientious. I rarely have to remind her to do anything.
4) She makes great desserts. I don't know where she got her love of chocolate chip cookies from . . . but I'm not complaining.
5) She loves fashion, always looks adorable, and pays for most of her own wardrobe!
6) She is a hardworker. She would've worked 24/7 at Seven Peaks this summer if they would've let her.
7) She is smart. She doesn't need any help with homework. :)
8) She loves music. (I do too!)
9) She still takes piano lessons -- and likes it!
10) She has a great relationship with her siblings (most of the time)
11) She always remembers to thank her mom for dinner.
12) She loves to write in her journal. (she's the only child I don't have to threaten)
13) She gets her Grandpa Markie's sense of humor.
14) She likes to sit around and hang with the adults in the family.
15) She looks like her mom. Ha! Ha! I know she hates it when people tell her that!

Cali was very blessed this year in the gift department. This was the gear she hauled in:
A zebra picture from Uncle Josh for her bedroom!

Money and cupcake book from Grandma Sue and Grandpa David. Cali does love money!

Money from Grandpa Markie. Wow. That girl loves money!

A new hair straightener, makeup, shoes, jewels from her mom and dad. She wished it was money!

A chandelier from Grandma Joannie! Very cool. Grandma also took Cali on a Grandma date the day before: shopping at IKEA and the mall, dinner at the Spaghetti Factory, and an Agatha Christie play. Spoiled!!

The look of a super-thrilled 15 year old surrounded by her embarrassing family! We love you, Cali!

My Wedding Dress

Aaron and I got married on April 22nd (or maybe it was the 20th . . .I can't ever remember) in the year 1994. For the past 16 years, I have not known where to hang or how to store my wedding dress. The shoulders of the dress were so big, the dress would fall off the hanger everytime. The dress could usually be found in a crumpled heap on the floor.

I know most of you are cringing right now, and would never do such a thing, but one day while cleaning house, I decided to put the dress in my car and ship it off to Deseret Industries. I figured someone else could figure out how to store it better than I had.

When I was walking out to the car with the dress, my amazing neighbor drove by. "Where are you taking your wedding dress?" she asked.

I was embarrassed to have gotten caught in the act. "D.I.," I mumbled.

Well, as it turned out, she needed white material to make her daughter a baptism dress, I needed to get rid of my wedding dress, she is an AMAZING seamstress that can do anything with a piece of material, and I was pleased as punch that I didn't end up having to drive all the way to Provo to deliver my dress to D.I. Everyone was happy.

Before the dress was disassembled, we took some pictures of the girls in my wedding dress . . . for posterity and all. My girls didn't want the pictures taken, but I figure, some day they'll change their mind. They both vehemently proclaimed, "I will never wear your wedding dress when I get married." They obviously have no romantic notions about traditions.

Nyah in her Dear Ol' Mum's Wedding Dress



Cali hating every moment in her Dear Ol' Mum's Wedding Dress



Isabel before the transformation.

Isabel after the transformation.

16 years later. My wedding dress had a facelift. I'm going to get a facelift next!

Trip to Indiana

The first week of school was different for me this year. I was in Indiana visiting my sister, Dabney, instead of in Utah sending my kids off to school.

Can I just say, that I LOVE being an aunt. Aaron and I are both the oldest children in our families, so our kids are quite a bit older than the rest of the cousins. Thus, I had to wait a while to feel the perks of "aunthood". I think it must be kind of like being a parent. You get to give treats to the kids, play with them alot, and not worry about setting a "good" example. It is the best!!

While in Indiana, I got to do Sarah's hair in the mornings before school.

I also got to go to Eli's soccer game! He is a rockstar!

Dabney and I did some house projects (reorganizing, redecorating, etc . . .). Here are the results:
The Kitchen

The Dining Room

Sarah's Bedroom (cute new froggy theme)

Best of all, I got to spend some sweet "catch up" time with my sister, Dabs. I love you, Dabneezer! Thanks for the trip!

Passing the Sacrament

This post is long overdue. Ian turned 12 on August 15th. In the LDS church a boy's 12th b-day is a big deal. They receive the priesthood, which means they get to pass the sacrament in church, which means they may drop a tray of bread or water on someone's lap, which means the boy's mom feels a lot of anxiety instead of peace during the sacrament.

On Sunday, August 15th, Ian was given a beautiful blessing from his father which gave him the priesthood. Both sets of grandparents were there to hear it. Everyone was in tears. It was a proud mommy moment.

The next Sunday, Ian passed the sacrament for the first time. I held my breath as he walked up front to pass the bread and water to the Bishopric members. No pressure! Luckily, everyone's lap ended up bread and water free!

Each Sunday since, I have tried hard not to stare at Ian as he walks around the chapel. It is hard not to watch your son though. Most times when I catch a glimpse of him, he looks very intent on getting to the right place at the right time. In other words, he looks nervous.

This past Sunday, I had my arms folded and eyes closed, trying to look reverent, when all of a sudden I heard a screaming whisper (you know the voice that is supposed to be a whisper but everyone within a mile radius can here). "Ian. Ian. IAN. Over here. Here." I opened my eyes and saw one of the other boys trying to get Ian to move up a row. It seems Ian was in the wrong spot. Don't the boys and leaders know by now that my boy is a bit deaf? It's going to take a lot more than a screaming whisper to get my boy to hear anything.

Needless to say, Ian got back on track, after some wild motioning from the other boy in Ian's direction. I'll keep you posted. I am just sure there is a water tray dropping in the near future. Let's just hope it's in my lap and not someone else's!!

Dear Nessie . . . (the World's Worst Advice Columnist)

Dear Nessie,

I am trying to return to activity after an injury. I enjoy jogging but can't seem to make it past the first couple of miles without having to get off the treadmill to GO. I'm too dumb for step aerobics or kickboxing so this has got to stop!

Sincerely,
Restroom Runner

Dear Restroom Runner,

I LOVE this question, because the topic is so close to my . . . heart. Here's my advice: When you have to GO during a run, just hop off that treadmill and GO! I have found that it is actually a nice chance to stop and take a breather. In fact, sometimes, I pretend that I have to GO just so I can rest.

I have asked numerous professionals about solutions to these "Runner's Runs." They have all said that some of us are just blessed with the gift of busy bowels. The only solution they have offered is to take some Imodium, which then STOPS you up for the rest of the week and makes you feel heavy and unable to run. I would only turn to the Imodium in dire emergencies!

I remember one morning during a treadmill run, I actually had to use the restroom 6 times . . . and none of them were "pretend" bathroom visits. I really had to GO all 6 times. I realize now that it may have been the Little Caesar's Pizza I'd eaten the night before. At first I was embarrassed to keep running to the restroom, but then I thought, "You know, the people running on either side of me should just be grateful that I stop to GO! And besides, they don't know what I am doing in the bathroom. Maybe they think I am reapplying my lipgloss after every mile."

Sorry about the rambling.

Another solution to the Runner's Runs. Don't run. Cycle instead. You can go to a cycling class where it is pitch black and no one can see you. You can work as hard or as easy as you want and it takes absolutely NO coordination. Believe me. I have none. Also, I have NEVER had to go to the bathroom during a cycling class. You can also go into the cycling room and cycle alone with your Ipod when there isn't a class in there. They even have fans to keep you cool. Lots of perks to the cycling.

My last thought. I'm so proud of you for exercising through your injury! You are amazing Restroom Runner!

Good luck!
Nessie

Dear Nessie . . . (the world's worst advice columnist)

Dear Nessie,

Last night during the Boise State - VT game, my wife commented, "Look! That Cheerleader has NO boobs!" I asked, "You WANT me to look?" She replied, "She doesn't have any!"

So during a commercial, a well endowed girl appeared. When I said, "Whoa ho ho! Look at those!" She punched my lights out! I'm confused. Please explain!


Black-eyed Football Fan

Dear Black-eyed Football Fan,

Sometimes it takes me a day or even a weekend to sort out problems for my readers, but this solution came quickly, as the problem hits a bit too close to home. Here's some quick advice on your predicament:

A man should ALWAYS notice if another female has been "less blessed" in the chest area than his spouse or significant other. It makes the spouse feel superior and happy with herself. This is a good thing.

This same man should NEVER, EVER point out another female that has "more blessings" on top. This makes the wife feel that her man secretly wishes that she would have some sort of augmentation done. This is not a good thing, unless of course, the augmentation is the wife's idea without ANY prompting from her husband. If that is the case, the augmentation is, OF COURSE, a good idea.

Another piece of advice, NEVER, EVER, EVER, look at your wife and say these 4 words . . . "Behold the Little Ones." That comment will 100% guarantee another black eye.

My advice doesn't usually come with a guarantee, but in this case . . .

Yours truly,
Nessie

Dear Nessie . . . (the world's worst advice columnist)

Dear Nessie,
Now that school is back in session, I realize that I hate my life between the hours of 3-6 p.m. When my kids walk into the house after school, these are the kinds of comments I hear:

"I'm starving."
"I need help with my homework."
"Sally was mean to me at recess today."
"I had to move my paperclip today at school, but I wasn't doing anything wrong!"
"What are we having for dinner?"
"I'm trying to do my homework but Larry is bugging me."
"Can I watch a cartoon?"
"Can I play a computer game?"
"The doorbell just rang, Mom. I think it's Carly. I told her she could come over after school."
"I need $25 for choir."
"I need lunch money."
"My sack lunch was gross today. Can you go to the grocery store and buy some fruit snacks and chips?! That's what the other kids get in their lunches!"


I hear this stuff everyday! I usually start having an anxiety attack around 2:50 p.m., when I start to hear children's voices heading down the sidewalk. Not only do I have to help the kids with homework and snack time, but I also have to be a chauffeur and make dinner at the same time. What can I do to make this time of day less stressful?

Sincerely,
Nuts After School


Dear Nuts After School,

It sounds like you need a vacation. Get a one-way ticket to the Bahamas and let the kids fend for themselves for a while.

Have fun!
Nessie

**This blog does not support or necessarily agree with any of Nessie's advice. If any of you have some "good" advice or actual solutions for our readers' problems, please feel free to leave a comment.

Also, if you have a problem for Nessie to solve, please leave a comment and she'll get back to you with a witty response.

Excuses, Excuses . . .

Park City Marathon. No PR. 4 hours, 5 minutes.

Excuses:
1. Lots of hills.
2. Lots of wind.
3. I was tired.
4. I was "hemorrhaging". (I had to look that one up for the spelling!)
5. About half the marathon was on gravel. Well, maybe 1/4 . . . or an 1/8.
6. I knew the medal at the end was just going to be a suncatcher. I wasn't motivated to go get it.
7. I wasn't happy to get another blue shirt. I really wanted the shirt to be pink!
8. The 4 GUs in my shorts were chafing me.
9. My 5 hour energy shot malfunctioned.
10. I had a tampon in my sports bra.
11. etc . . . etc . . . etc . . .

Eighty-seven people ran it faster than me. I'm sure they don't have any excuses. Woe is me!


Luckily, Jeff and Marisa were there to run the marathon with me. They are the best!

Aaron and the kids showed up at the finish line looking like they'd had a great night sleep. The finish line was right outside our hotel room, so they only had to wake up 5 minutes before the big finale. Good for them! :) I was in no way resentful!!

3 generations came to cheer me on! Cali, Nyah, Grandma Sue, and Grandma LaRue (all the way from Idaho!)

Marisa and I both got new Brooks for the race!

Marisa is an AMAZING runner. She rocked the marathon. Nothing can stop this girl!

My favorite thing about the Park City Marathon -- the cold washcloth they let you borrow at the end of the race to wipe off with.

I have NEVER been happier to see a finish line in my life!

I started bawling when I got to give my kids high fives as I rounded the last bend. They truly make my life worthwhile!