THE REAL, LIVE ACTUAL 16TH BIRTHDAY DAY

By the time September 20th rolled around, we'd already celebrated "Sweet 16" twice. Third times a charm! On the morning of the actual day, Cali woke up to 16 candles (fire hazard) on a muffin!

All the kids were excited! After all, who doesn't love a good cinnamon crunch muffin?!

Calz opened her presents: shirt, sandals, a bag of miniature Snickers (I didn't even sneak one), shoes for Homecoming, and a new palette of makeup.



I'm not sure how it happened: I am only 25 years old and have a 16 year old. Life is crazy. Thanks for being such a terrific daughter, Cali. You are such a blessing in our lives!

Vintage Photo Shoot

Cali wants to be a photographer. She pours over photos daily, getting ideas for her future career. She also loves vintage clothes. So, for her B-DAY, Aaron took her for a photo shoot with Nyah and Cali's friend, Brooklyn. They dug through Grandma Joannie's boxes of old clothes, donned their purchases from DI, and of course, drug along the horse from DI that they spray painted blue the night before. Here are the results:
WAITING FOR THE BUS

LIVING ON THE EDGE

WHAT'S ON MY HEAD?!

CALI WITH A SUITCASE AND GRANDPA'S CANE (to smack the boys with!)

CALI WITH THE $5 HORSE FROM DI

CALI'S 1ST KISS (I CRACK MYSELF UP!)

NYAH PUCKERS UP

IAN'S UNDERWEAR COMMERCIAL (I was not there, but I hear that Ian thinks he is going to join the CHIPPENDALES!

FAVORITE SHOT OF NYAH (well, one of them)

CHECKING OUT RECORD ALBUMS

HAPPY 16TH BIRTHDAY, CALI!!

Sweet "16"

For Cali's "Sweet 16" I decided to do a "Girls' Day Out"!!
The day started with lunch at Cali's restaurant choice, "Zupas".

Next, we headed to a salon for a surprise makeover: hair, eyebrows, and toes!

"The Chocolate," a yummy dessert cafe was next on the list: a chocolate chip cookie for Cali and a cream cheese brownie for Nyah. They had a sweet potato as their gluten-free option, but I decided to pass. Didn't sound like a real dessert to me!

After stuffing our faces, we headed to DI to look for some vintage clothes for a photo shoot. Here we have some "vintage" booty pants:

Here they are "rockin' out"!

This is a "sassy" shot:

And last, but not least, Nyah's finest moment of the day:

The girls bought a few clothing items for their "vintage photo shoot" they planned to do the following day. They decided to look for a couple of props. And what do you know? This is what they found!

No. Your eyes are not tricking you. We found a messed up carousel horse for the bargain price of $5. The cashier looked at me very strangely as he rang up my order. "I bet you are wondering what we are going to do with this horse, aren't you?!" I laughed. He just stared at me as I lugged it out of the store.

Little did I know that I would win the "Mother of the Year Award" because of a $5 horse purchased at DI. Best Day Ever!!

The 187 Mile/2 Day Running Adventure

The race begins at 11,000 feet at Brian Head Ski resort then travels Dixie Nat’l Forest, Cedar Breaks, Snow Canyon, St. George, and ends at the entrance to Zion National Park.
Red Rock. I Thought You Said "Woodstock"! 12 Girls. Lots of Food. Lots of Running. Lots of Laughs! Lots of Weed. (that one was a joke).

Back to School . . . Again!

Every year we go through the same routine sometime in August. First, we visit an insane asylum called the mall. Spend most of our money on school clothes. Register our kids for school. Spend the rest of our money. Then we wake up one day sometime in August or September to shove lunch into a paper bag and put on our newest outfits. Smile for a picture. Head out the door. Do homework. Race around to music lessons and sports games.
Wouldn't it be funny to shake things up a bit this school year? Put on your oldest, most unflattering outfit for the first day of school. Refuse to smile for the 1st day of school picture. Don't send the registration money into school, just to see what happens. Take a frozen, uncooked chicken breast to the lunchroom and ask the lunch lady to cook it for you because "that is the only thing we have at home left to eat", go to your piano lesson and lay your head down on the keys and start to cry, stand on the soccer field and watch every ball fly past you refusing to move even when the coach screams your name 100 times. What would people do?
Maybe we'll try that next year . . .

Hobble Creek 1/2 Marathon

It was 13.1 miles. Enough said.
Wait a second! There WAS some excitement I almost forgot about. I had to poo behind a bush during the race. It took me under 10 seconds. I should win some sort of a medal for that one!! You can thank me later for sharing!

Don't Let This Happen to You!!

What can you do to avoid looking like this unfortunate group of people?
1. Don't get a biopsy of your thyroid without pain medication.
Yes, it's true. I, the lady on the left, in the blue sweater was tortured before this picture was taken by a thyroid doctor wearing cowboy boots.
Doctor: So, you were referred here because of thyroid problems?
Me: Yes. (in a scared voice)
Doctor: Well, let me feel your neck. Wow. Oh, boy. You have a VERY nodular thyroid. Haven't you ever felt all these bumps when you feel your neck?
Me: I don't really "feel" my neck.
Doctor: Oh. Well, let's do an ultrasound to check those nodules out closer. (pushes ultrasound device into my neck)
Me: (Cough. Cough.) So, what do you see?
Doctor: You definitely have a goitre. Oh, yes. I see LOTS of nodules. We'll have to measure all of these. Oh, boy. Nurse, write this one down. Left side. This clump of nodules measures 2 cm.
Me: (OK. Could this guy make me feel any more disgusting about myself? A goiter. Isn't that like a turkey gobbler? Clumps of nodules. Yuck!)
Doctor: Well, we definitely need to biopsy these. I will use 4 needles and jab them each into your neck 3 successive times.
Me: Aren't you going to give me a topical anesthetic?
Doctor: Oh, no. You don't need anything. You're tough, right? You'll just feel some pressure.
Me: (Very uncertainly). Well, will you warn me before you jab them in?!
Doctor: Sure. (Quickly jabs needle in without warning me.) Ok. Here's the first jab. And again. And again. Ooh. This one is a bit hard to get to.
Me: (gasping for air. breathing like in labor) Sorry . . . I'm . . . breathing . . . funny. This is quite painful.
Doctor: Only 3 more needles. . .
10 minutes later . . .
Doctor: Well, as it turns out you have a very skinny neck and I had to go in quite deep to get to those nodules. You will probably end up having bruising and swelling but you should feel fine by tomorrow or the next day. We'll let you know in the next couple of days if they are cancerous.
Me: (Thinking to myself: If I had your cowboy boots on, I'd kick you where it counts, stab you with a couple of your precious needles and tell YOU IT'S NOT GOING TO HURT! Thanks for nothing!)
2. Don't plan to attend a Birthday Luncheon for your 13-year-old son at Tucanos 10 minutes after your thyroid gets attacked.

Eating lunch at Tucanos is never my favorite event. Never-ending supplies of meat is not my idea of fun. Unfortunately, it is Ian's favorite place on earth. I'll give him credit. He was a planner. He got on-line and signed up to get a free b-day meal for himself, and then somehow talked Aaron into taking the entire family there for lunch. After the cowboy doctor attacked my neck, I drove to Tucanos with the kids to meet up with Aaron, Dad, Kristin, and Nora for a "stuff-your-face-till-you-feel-like-you-are-going-to-puke event"! I had an icepack on my neck when I arrived at the restaurant. I did not feel like swallowing ANYTHING, let alone swallowing CHICKEN HEARTS, SWEET COD, RAW SIRLOIN, AND VARIOUS OTHER NAUSEATING MEATS. It seemed like hours before Ian turned the wooden stick from GREEN (which means "keep the meat coming") to RED (which means "we've each gained 20 lbs. and still want to keep eating more meat but have decided to stop"). Even Ian admitted that his stomach felt a little bit "strange" after the meal was over.

3. Don't plan to make a Birthday Dinner 2 hours after eating at Tucanos.


Not only did Ian want lunch at Tucanos, he also planned AN EXTENSIVE B-DAY DINNER menu: fried rice, shrimp, miso soup, homemade rolls, and peanut butter cookies. Seriously. Who can think about food after the MEAL OF MEAT?! I forged ahead though, swollen goitre nodular neck and all. Cooked for hours. Ian loved it.
4. Don't even try to think about going to bed early when there is a FAMILY PARTY to celebrate 13 years of GREATNESS!
After eating, yet again, it was present opening time. Grandma Sue and Grandpa David came into town to help celebrate. Ian basked in b-day glory:
Oreos and an Airsoft Target from his good friend, Charles:

Money from Grandma Sue and Grandpa David:

More money from Grandpa Markie:

Even more money from Goiter Mom and Normal Neck Dad. The other kids were jealous:

Golf Certificate from Dad (Idea from Me):

5. Don't even TRY to get sympathy from anyone for a pain in your neck:
Me: My neck is so sore.
Aaron: It looks great. I can't see any bruising or swelling. In fact, I can't even see the needle marks.
Me: Aaaaaaah!!!!!
So, the moral of this story is . . . Do NOT EVER schedule a thyroid appointment on the same day as a B-DAY! You never know what might happen to your neck!!