Grandmas Are Wonderful!

Ian went on a "Grandma Date" last night -- one on one time with Grandma Joannie. Time to bond. Time to talk about the important things in life.

Well, when Ian walked in the door last night with a big smile on his face, I knew his date with Grandma J. had gone well. I was so excited to hear about their time together. One of Ian's first comments once he walked in the door was, "Hey, Mom! Did you know you swallow about a liter of snot everyday?"

"No, Ian. I didn't know that."

"Well, did you know that fresh urine is cleaner than spit?"

"No, Ian. I didn't know that either. What in the world were you and Grandma talking about on your date?"

Well, it turns out that Grandma Joannie took Ian to a "Gross" Activity at Thanksgiving Point in Lehi. They did all sorts of "gross" things like pulling apart regurgitated owl pellets and picking out the mouse skull and bones from the fur ball the owl had spit out. Ian brought home all the bones and the skull in a baggy for all of us to look at. I have honestly never wanted to see what owls regurgitate!

Ian also made a meal worm farm. We get to watch the meal worms eat an apple and oatmeal and turn into a black beetle. What fun!! I have a bad feeling that the container is going to be opened on my bed (by accident) and I will have meal worms crawling in my sheets!

Ian said they also had a burping contest. Each contestant had to drink a can of rootbeer and let out the biggest burp they could. Well, Ian doesn't like rootbeer (of course!). It didn't matter though. Ian won for the "best dry burp". Disgusting!!

Ian also got to give a booger picking survey to complete strangers. He would walk up to the strangers and say, "Hi, my name is Ian. Can I ask you some questions for a survey?" I'm sure Ian looked pretty innocent, so they'd agree. Then Ian would ask, "Do you pick your nose?" If the person answered affirmatively, Ian would then ask, "Do you eat your boogers?" Ian surveyed 16 people, most of whom were adults. He found 4 people that were self-admitted booger eaters. I am so glad we don't live in the Lehi/American Fork area where we might end up running into the nose pickers Ian interviewed.

To top off the evening with Grandma, Ian went to the Golden Corral for dinner. I have some strong reasons for not ever going to buffets: I don't know when to stop eating, I feel sick from overeating, I don't know when to stop eating . . . Thus, Ian has never stepped foot inside the Golden Corral before. When he came home last night he said, "Mom, why haven't we ever been to the Golden Corral? It is my new favorite restaurant!" Some of you may not know this, but we are thinking about entering Ian into some eating contests. No, he doesn't like desserts, but, the boy can put down more meat and "main dish" than anyone I've ever seen. This is what he ate last night:

1st plate: "Lots of mashed potatoes with light and dark gravy, trout (or some other mystery fish), scallops, and shrimp."

2nd plate: "Spaghetti with red sauce, more scallops and shrimp covering the top of the spaghetti."

3rd plate (Ian's dessert): "A huge plate of mac & cheese."

The whole time Ian was telling me about his meal, he was fingering the bones and skull through his owl pellet baggie. It was enough to make me want to regurgitate.

Ian and Grandma Joannie definitely bonded last night. Thanks, Grandma Joannie for helping Ian to become such a fine young man! We are so proud!!

We Sure Got Our Money's Worth!!

Carson went to SuperCuts yesterday to get a fresh haircut. He showed the lady a picture of a "scalped" boy in the HairBook. She looked at me and asked, "Are you sure you want it this short?"

Under my breath, so Carson couldn't hear, I replied, "Oh, no! We just want it trimmed up on the sides and long enough on top to spike up! I want it much longer than the photo!"

Well I must have spoken a little too quietly, because Carson's hair ended up even shorter than the photo he'd picked out. We sure got our money's worth!

Last night in the bathtub, Carson started screaming when I started to put shampoo in his hair. "Don't wash it! I don't want it to get longer!"

I hate to tell Carson this, but it is going to take about 50 washings before his noggin' grows any more hair on it!

My New Stripes

I don't know if it was because Carson just watched all the zebras in Madagascar 2 or not, but when I walked in the door yesterday from getting my hair freshly colored, Carson looked at me and said, "Mom, I love your new stripes. Black, white, black, white, black, white . . ." Boy, he knows how to improve my confidence!

NewsFlash!!! Spanish Fork Woman Wins Lamest Wife Award!

Today is February 14, 2009, the day of love, here in Spanish Fork! Most lovers, young and old alike, are exchanging gifts of chocolate, flowers, and loving messages on this beautiful, snowy day. Unfortunately, one of our local residents, Vanessa Heber, was caught working out at the local Gold's Gym this morning, instead of making her husband breakfast in bed, or doing any of the niceties that wives usually perform on this special day.

When questioned about her morning activities and gift buying for this "lovely" holiday, Vanessa answered, "I set out Valentine's treats on the kitchen table last night for the kids, so they would find them this morning when they wake up. Unfortunately, after 15 years of marriage, I couldn't think of anything to buy my husband. I'm sure he didn't get me anything. Plus, he'll still be in bed when I get home from the gym!"

Unfortunately, things did not go as planned this Valentine's Day morning for the above mentioned, Vanessa Heber. On returning home from the gym, this "lame wife" walked into the kitchen to find 2 large boxes, one from Nordstroms, and one from Red Envelope. Sources say a "look of shock and horror passed over her face" when she realized her "sleepy husband" was in fact, not "still in bed" but up and about delivering Valentine's cheer. Heber's husband received narry a chocolate, flower, or card filled with sweet nothings in return, but instead, heard excuses like, "I thought we weren't exchanging gifts this year!"

Hopefully, this is a lesson to all for Valentines 2010: "NEVER show up empty-handed Valentine's morning. You never know if this is the year YOUR spouse will decide to be an overachiever."

I'm Mad about this . . . I'm Mad about that . . .

Yesterday was crazy! Carson and Nyah got in an argument over who was going to sit in the front seat in the car, Carson and Ian got in a fight over who had the most hangers on their side of the closet, Carson got mad at Cali because she accidentally hit his head on the door of the closet when they were playing . . . The list goes on and on. I'm going to chalk it up to Carson's lack of sleep. He still takes a nap everyday and missed it because we had so much fun stuff going on.

At about 3 p.m. we were all in the car heading towards piano lessons. Carson was in the front seat with his head laying on the armrest between us. I thought he'd fallen asleep. Suddenly he opened his eyes and said, "Mom, do you mind if I take a little fiesta?!" (He meant siesta, but it meant so much more the way he said it!) I could use a little "fiesta" after all the fighting that went on! In fact, I think I'll take a little "fiesta" today!

Sugar Cookie Writing Activity (I don't think this one will make it into the Family Circle Magazine!)

If any of you moms out there need a 3 hour activity to take up the morning with your five year old, try this:

1. Make a batch of sugar cookies. (This step takes about 1 1/2 hrs. if you let your child help!)

2. Let your 5-year-old child put some dough in a baggy and dump in some food coloring. Squish it around until the baggie breaks. Put it in another baggie. Keep squishing.

3. Get a pair of kitchen shears and let your little one cut out shapes. There may be some injuries during this step, so you may want to give him/her some heavy "scissor proof" gloves to wear.

4. Cook the dough. While dough shapes are cooking let your little one make labels for the cookies, so that their older siblings can tell what the cookies are supposed to be!

** Problems with this project: The dough becomes so overhandled by all the squishing and shaping, that the cookies are inedible. Also, your child will be too exhausted to help clean up the mess he/she made. Also, tomorrow your child will probably say that he/she is bored and that you never do anything fun with him/her. However, just for a moment, when you are taking a picture of the finished product, your kid will probably think you're the coolest mom in the world!

What Am I Going to Be When I Grow Up?

“So, Vanessa, what do you want to do when Carson goes to school?” Everyone wants to know what I am going to do with my life after my youngest goes to kindergarten in the fall. I’d like to know too!!

At one point in my life I wanted to be a nurse. Now I realize that other people’s illnesses make me feel nauseous. Can you imagine going to the doctor’s office and having me (the nurse) dry heaving as I examine the rash on your arm, or the sores in your throat? Yep, I don’t think nursing is for me.

What about marketing? I was also going to go into business one semester in college. I think it would be so fun to write jingles for commercials. When I was a kid, my sisters and I wrote a jingle for “Yogurt in a Pump”. What is “Yogurt In a Pump”? Imagine a pump hand soap container with yogurt squirting out instead. After thinking about the reality of marketing products like that, I realize business is also probably not my cup of tea.

So, am I going to teach English again? I love to read, I love to write, but do I love to read 7th grade essays 24 hours a day? No . . . I think I am going to pass on returning to the teaching profession.

What do I enjoy doing? I love staying in my pajamas all day, I love to read to my kids, I love to sing made up songs that kind of rhyme, I love sitting down on a sparkling toilet (even though I don’t enjoy cleaning it), I love to cook, I love to eat, I love the feeling I have after a long run, I love telling Aaron about the funny things that happened during my day, I love listening to the kids relate stories of the drama from school, I love my life . . .

So, do I really have to “do” anything different when Carson goes to school? Am I going to feel unfulfilled just doing the things on my “love to do” list? Is there something I can get paid to do that includes wearing pajamas, listening to stories, singing, and eating? I think the best idea would be to talk to Aaron about getting put on his payroll!

New Bathroom Cleaning Technique

Imagine my surprise when I walked into the boys' bathroom this afternoon, and found Ian cleaning the toilet stark naked. "What in the world is going on in here?!" I yelped.

"I'm just cleaning the toilet," Ian replied innocently, as he swished the toilet brush around inside the bowl.

"Why are you naked?" I asked, hoping there was a reasonable explanation for this strange phenomenom.

Ian answered calmly, "Mom, I was scrubbing the bathtub and I didn't want to get my clothes wet." He said it so matter of factly, like any mother in her right mind should realize this was perfectly normal behavior.

As I stared in utter disbelief at my 10-year-old's naked bum, Nyah walked by.

"Aaaaah! What are you doing in there, Ian?!!!! Where are your underwear?!"

I'm so glad that I'm not the only person in the family that was caught off guard by the naked bathroom cleaner.

Note to self: Ask Ian to lock himself in the next time he has bathroom cleaning duty.

Note to innocent readers: I thought about including a photo of the new bathroom cleaning technique, but decided against it. You can thank me later!

Ian's Science Fair Project

If you want to see an excited boy (note sarcasm), check out this video where Ian tries, half-heartedly, with lots of encouragement from his mother, to describe his science fair project.

Surprise! Ian Is Now A . . .

Last night was the Blue & Gold Banquet for the Scouts. I must admit, I am not a very good "Cub Scout Mommy." I never know what to work on with Ian in the book. None of it is very enticing to me. In fact, I never wake up in the morning and say, "Ian, should we go clean up litter in the park today or maybe do a report on conservation so you can receive some belt loops?"

Ian, on the other hand, is very motivated to do scouting stuff. Yesterday morning, for example, I was making my bed, when Ian walked up to me and said, "Mom, lay down. I want to show you what I learned at Scouts on Tuesday." He proceeded to make a splint for my ankle out of magazines, stopped some major imaginary bleeding on my leg with stacks of bandaids, and then said, "I also know how to do the Heimlich Maneuver!" I refused his offer to practice on me, because I knew Nyah had ended up bursting into tears the day before when Ian had practiced the Heimlich on her.

"Ian, do you know you can break people's ribs when you do the Heimlich Maneuver?" He guffawed at my comment.

"I don't even get close to the ribs!" It's no wonder Nyah started bawling, after the hard whack she received to her lower abdomen.

Well, after Ian had shared all of his superior knowledge of First Aid, I asked him what we'd be doing at Pack Night. Would he be receiving a First Aid pin or Belt Loop? "No. I'm not getting anything tonight." He completed that comment with a loud sigh. He gets very disgruntled when he doesn't get any of the infamous belt loops or pins.

After eating 4 servings of spaghetti soaked in marinara and alfredo sauce at the banquet, Ian turned his attention up front to the awards. Imagine my surprise when Ian was called up front (along with Aaron and I; I, of course, still had my hair in a fun bun) at the Scout Banquet to receive his Webelo's patch. Ian a Webelo? That means he finished all of the goals in his book! I thought about questioning the leaders, but then thought better about it. If they think Ian earned his Webelo, I guess he earned his Webelo! Ian put the Webelo's pin on me without stabbing me in the chest, gave me a quick peck on the cheek, and recited the Scout Oath and Scout Law unenthusiastically. What a proud mom I am!

I ended up just chalking this award up to a small list of miracles that seem to occur each day in my life. Ian is a Webelo and I didn't even have to open the book. Watch out 11 Year Old Scouts. Here we come!!


Me looking on in shock as Ian receives his Webelos patch!


After the pinning! No pokes this time! If you look really close at my upper right "lapel" you'll get a peak at my new mommy scout pin!


The fancy placemat Ian made for me to eat my spaghetti off of!


Ian enjoying the taste of his new Webelos patch!

Weekend in Beaver

Aaron and I were lucky enough to get away for the weekend with our friends at their cabin in Beaver. Now, the only time I've even stopped at Beaver before is to fill up the car with gasoline en route to California.

It turns out, Beaver is full of fun and unexpected surprises: a "to die for" Mexican Restaurant(The name of the restaurant is very creative. You can see it from the road. It simply reads: Mexican Food!), a cheese factory (the squeaky cheese curds they sell there are very squeaky), the best and only real gun store in the state (that is what the owner said), a motel that even has color TVs, and last but not least, they have a grocery store! Wow! What more could you ask for?!

Best of all, Beaver has the most beautiful mountains and untouched snow I've ever seen. It was breathtaking.

We slept in until 11:30 a.m. (I haven't slept that long since I was 16 years old), went snowmobiling, ate lots of snacks, sat around the fire, and relaxed! It is amazing to not HAVE to do anything. Thanks, Amy and Bryce for a fabulous weekend!!